Now I know why its called a Segmenter, how adpt a name.

While I would prefer safety, when given that safety can no longer be guaranteed even when it normally should be, it only leaves that you should do something..., but you still need backup..., good thing Theo does!

I feel like I need a map to properly understand where exactly they are on the property...

First time "bones" aren't a "key" heh...

Sure! Blame it on the kid for you not telling him the specs on the thingymcbober!!! *facepaw*  Be glad it wasn't a gun! Jeez!  Wouldn't want tigger happy with something like that would we! *shivers*

Doesn't seem like there is much new to go on... but not everything has been looked into yet to determine its value, so its hard to know without finer details.

Ah.. chronic depression... my lifes story... the me you don't see... with recent events 'm seeking to tossing away my meds... its true they helped, but hey have also hindered... to consider about 17 years of life half a lie because of it, because it was not truly me.  They were nothing but a damn holding everything back and everything in, but perhaps its time to let it out... trade one sense of living for another... I always try to be honest but humble, curious yet cautious, but in the end a lot of what is not shown by me to others is my inner turmoil, because I do not want to needlessly burden others.  With my meds gone it was like a raging storm, but now it like a strong tide, irresistible, but merciful.  So many things I've should have been sad for over the years that I was simply not able to.  I also recently lost my Grandfather too, now both my grandparents are gone from my dad...  While I've enjoyed spending time with them I only ever really felt close in elementary school, but hat was also a time where I was not aware of many things out there in life... and other issues kept me from ever enjoying it, leaving me in a state where I wish I could have spent more time, but also felt it did not feel right.  Such is the torn nature of my life and thoughts, unable to ever truly let go of the past, even the past I was never part of, before my time, but at the same time moving on.  A schism of my own autism, feeling both so old, yet still never really awake, stuck between unknown dreams, yet still here in reality.  In sense I'd describe it as a feeling of not bipolar of happiness and sadness, if all I've truly felt is sadness after all, but of the other axis, between silly and serious.  Without a sense of happiness though I can hardly feel silly, just a quiet but serious solitude for regrets I am unware and unsure of.  I continue to burn, but down to a low dim setting, at this pint in time, same as the foggy overcast skies are this week where I live.

I apologize for the spiel, but this also how I feel about rain, it confines for a time, and lets you check and reflect.  A somber and dim feeling, but not one devoid of purpose or life.  Both oppressive and yet a blanket of its own.  Small, yet here I still stand.

Proceeding on and in line with my own flow of words.  Yes I would like to think there some higher power, but it is incomprehensible and unable to be defined, and so it makes it hard to believe, for it is an unknown.  That is why I seek to believe that the power is something that goes beyond common religion, because there is nothing about to be made concrete.  It is an abstract, and common religion is too concrete.  Much is the same with my mom and religion in concern to my dad, let alone many people out there, as to how could they let people suffer... one thought is perhaps that here are too many people in the world, aside from the amount/lack of believers, that they can no longer perform miracles on the equivalent scale as in times of old.  Religion was made in any of its forms as a means of unity, aside from the idea of thought control.  When even there is fights over what god even is, it breaks that unity, and belief on both sides suffers.  To me, if a god ever exist, he existed in multiple forms/interpretations, for the sole purpose that it was tailored to the ways of life of the given people in one land as compared to another.  The idea that each god was the same god, but was a separate system that worked with the flow of their lives.  Like many a system though, once neglected or back turned from the core or initial principles, it breaks down and/or implodes, to the point that no two areas that claim to follow the same religion can even identify with each other.  In the modern day it is no different with mass beliefs, once enough of them turn their backs on what was initial purpose that identified them, that credibility gets shot, and not only is there infighting, there is a tug of war then from both within and without, with it being made hard to know who is right and who is wrong or what is the best course of action.  Such is the risk of overpopulation/oversaturation, let alone removal from being aware of the core that started it all.  Diversity is good for any sort of ecosystem, but too many foreign elements without careful oversight and time taken, natural order is disrupted.  Such are the largest and most repetitive sins throughout history.  Its make me think at times of myself and my own beliefs and actions, am I really acting? or am I only reacting? is what I am doing right, just, and fair? Even in my anger I wish I could have a means to see things differently, for I do not want to harbor grudges, but when backed into a corner, without an alternative, it is all there is left, and it also in turn makes me afraid of myself, for not being able to see any other way.

Similar responses to both the other questions, of course I would like to think we aren't alone, but without proof it is but a flicker of possibility, and of course I/anyone would want time travel to fix our (singular and/or collective) mistakes, but to change even a single thing is but a butterfly effect of the course taken of alternate timelines, leading to an end result that ruins everything you had known...

What is most important to me... so full of many beliefs and hopes, I am still unsure of what I really want or strive for... in that I am a lone wolf, but even still a lone wolf needs a pack, a sense of belonging, no matter how independent one may be.  I am not simply chasing..., I do not even know what I am trying to chase, but neither am I able to stop chasing, for I cannot be certain if I have ever made an impact, something beyond what could be considered my own bubble.  I'm no saint, but I do not wish to sin... that is why is even my creulest thoughts I do not think I could ever bear to have them reality, no matter how much I may wish for them, I am always held back for better or worse by the core of who I am.  Its why despite the craziness of the world, what I desire most is mercy and the means to come back from the worst of things.  That there is always a way, no matter how hard.  That we must all have heart, for in real life that is what makes us human.

Our deepest scars are the ones not visible to the naked eye.  And then right there too the conflict of mind and heart.  he heart clings, even as the mind knows to let go.  This doesn't mean its the absolute end, it is merely the end for now.  One of the reasons I felt there were subtle ways the special could be canon, but only if you took out what made the special... well special... This feeling Theo is having is ore less exactly how I have been feeling, so torn between what is wanted, and what is right.  There is also always tomorrow, as said, one thing at a time, just need to figure out what it is.

This also marks the third VN/Build that seems to resonate with how I feel in this moment of time as well as the things that I ponder in the back of mind from time to time, but never in as much earnest as this time.

Bleh feels like I keep giving sermons, but it represents just how deeply it makes me think, like a mirror, but not a one for one mirror.

Early Christmas present :3

Can't wait to read it once I have some time to myself.

Thank youu! Christmas came a day early! 🥰